Tuesday, March 4, 2008

How do I set things right ?

My life is in a complete mess at the moment.. And my mind is craving for some peace.

I am feeling so uncomfortable in the comforts of my own home.. I am having all that someone could ask for yet I am feeling that everything is wrong... Someone please help me sort the mess for I am going insane...

I got back to work last month... My sonny who is now 8 months still needs a lot of my time and attention... My parents are here with me to help me take care of sonny...

I initially wanted to take a break from work for a couple of years and be a stay at home mom..

But one reason why I had to get back was the huge mortgages that we have forced upon ourselves with buying a second house... And another reason was that I was not getting any moral support from my husband for staying at home... Husband dear never once did express any appreciation for the things I was doing at home... Taking care of baby, managing home, maid hunting(I had to change atleast 10 maids in the last few months), etc. With all the crazy hormonal changes post-partum I was beginning to feel so let down.. I was wallowing in self pity while the husband never once did speak a kind word to me. All I got to hear from him was that I did not know to manage. All this changed so much when I got back to work.. My self esteem shot up..I enjoy the socializing at work more than my job.
But with my going back to work my home looks soooo neglected.. All the other three adults in my home seem to be messing it while I am the only one who is worried abt maintaining it.
I am feeling so guilty to write this coz my parents are doing so much for me.. My parents are literally running my home for me.. The only thing I am unhappy about is it is not being done the way I want... My mom is not the type who takes interest in household chores. She does things out of compulsion rather than being passionate about it. She would rather spend her time solving crosswords or surfing the net than do house work. While I am very passionate about doing things for my home...
My kitchen is a total mess... She cleans it every morning and then fills it up during the day..
Sometimes there is not an inch left in the kitchen counter... Milk packets lying here, vegetable peels lying there, a cup of water at the edge of the counter, milk in 3 different vessels...
I like the kitchen to be clean even during the process of cooking. I have had many arguments with my mom on this and she tells me that she can only do it this way. This irritates me coz when I want to do something in the kitchen I go mad seeing at the mess. I am not left with any space to even cut my salad.. The containers in the shelves are disaplaced and haphazardly placed.

My husband strews his clothes all over my home.... The couch in the living room is always filled with his laptop, books , newspapers leaving no room for anyone to sit.
My dining table is always cluttered. I shudder at the thought of inviting someone home. They might think really bad of me looking at my home. But at the same time I don't want to spend my time clearing the clutter that adults create... I can very gladly accept the fact the sonny needs his toys all over the place and I don't mind picking those a hundred times in a day. But I don't want to spend the precious time that I get to play with Sonny after my job to clean-up my home coz its going to get filled the same way in no time.

I am at the same tine feeling really awful... Can someone pls suggest how do I convince everyone in my home to maintain some sanity .

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Scorpionma,

I have been following your blog and read your last blog today. It was written in March - I hope things are better now. I can so totally empathise with you about the mess, the lack of moral and physical support at home, a small baby and a job.

I too have a daughter - she is 6 months old. In fact, my husb stumbled upon your blog when he was looking up hospital reviews. I have chosen to not join back work as of now - I have been really lucky in many ways - since there's no financial constraint of a second home. ALso my parents stay in the next building in the same complex - so i have help as well as i get my home to myself. And my husb is quite supportive - though i get on his case very often for not fulfilling my great expectations from him. :-) Poor him.

Do write soon - i hope you are in a happy position now. Your son's 1st b'day must be approaching. What a year!

Anothernewmom

The Scorpion Ma said...

Hey Anon,

Thanks for dropping by.. Things are pretty much the same but I have learned to deal with it :)
I was an emotional, caring and sensitive woman and now have metamorphized into a heartless, practical woman while dealing with my husband and am enjoying it.. He does not deserve my care and attention.. All my love and care is now directed to my sonny..
My house is still a mess but I am living with it.. I am planning to clean it only once I get it to myself.
I am sure at a lot more mental peace now :))

Anonymous said...

Hi Scorpionma,
How are u and ur kid doing?I can't believe how similar our rants in life are,w.r.t the Husband and mom thing atleast..I didn't think that it was possible!I so empathise with u.All I can say is that u r doing a great job,so keep the faith.will keep coming here from now.take care,R

Anonymous said...

oh! i can understand how you feel.Just try to have a talk with them and let them know your preferences. I don't know how else I can help.
Btw your comments in my blog reached spam. Just found out yesterday... sorry about that.
Take care.

aargee said...

oh! i left a comment and I don't know where it vanished. Your blog is taking revenge on me :) Btw your comments had reached my spam and just found out yesterday.

Just try to have a heart-to-heart talk with everyone regarding your preferences . I don't know how else I can help.

Take care
aargee

Shobana said...

Scorpionma, can u talk to your mom and gently point it out to her, that the more messy the kitchen, the more the work for her? I know it is tough luck, but have u found a maid yet and can she clean under mom's supervision? Just don't make life too hard for yourself, ok?