I started working when sonny was 7 months old... Its been about 4 months now.. Though I am not working very long hours, I am still always ridden with the guilt of not spending enough time with him. My parents and father-in-law are with us... So he is dotted by 3 grandparents when my husband and I are away.... Somehow I still feel the need to be around to look after him..
I feel soooo guilty when on few occassions that I am really tired I wish sonny and I catch up some sleep in the evening instead of playing or going to the park. I feel soooo guilty when sonny wants to play with me in the morning and when its time for me to leave to work I just hand him over to my mother and leave... I am faced with the question of to work or not to work every single day... Sometimes I feel I will be a better mom if I am working... I did not get any kind of support from my husband the first 7 months I was at home and was longing for some company...
He wouldn't even care to spend some time in having a conversation with me or taking me and sonny out on weekends.
But I cheered up so much when I got back to work, met friends and socialised and am a happier person when I get back home...
And the pay check of course... I will not get money from my husband if he feels something does not have to be bought... As long as I am earning I have the ability to do things that I feel are a must must for the home... Ex: Glass casing a balcony to dry clothes during the rains, buying a pulley kind of cloth stand instead of struggling with sticks to dry clothes on rods high up in the balcony, etc, etc.. There are so many instances where I have bot things with my money to ease our life when husband would not agree to spend. I know I am trying to get the best of both worlds... A pay check and the ability to stay at home...Guess I need to explore some other career options as well :)
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